I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
