just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
Okay... I just said "preach it" to the pokemon theme song. I'm hammered.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
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