I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Look. I've got things to do today.. Will you hurry up and come over so I can give you some head and get my day started already
Outside
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
It's becoming clear to me that I am not sugar baby material. I don't think I could handle old balls long term.
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
Randomize
