Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I wanted to dispute a few 411 charges on my phone bill. The service rep told me I called them four times asking for Lady Gaga's number.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
Randomize
