I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
went to the gyno and found out that i have a birthmark on my clit. its like god gave guys a little help when it comes to getting me off.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
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