so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
I've reached the gravitational age where it's very hard to get my face and my boobs in the same shot without some kind of yoga involved .
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
Randomize
