Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
but really, i care about skinny girls as much as michael vick cares about rotweilers
I stayed up for an hour trying to make my room stop spinning and then I realized it was bc my fan was on
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
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