I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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