Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
drinking out of a sandbucket again
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
So are you still down for me to come stay with you and just have sex on vicodin all weekend?
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You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
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