I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
bubblegum was invented today. we're getting drunk. end of story.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
