he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
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