Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
I know. I just don't want anything else. I have no other desire. Just a ham sandwich.
I honestly don't know what to make of that.
A ham sandwich would be nice.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize
