Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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