I woke up with my face in a pile of pancakes and 3000 mistakes.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Randomize
