He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He just lit his joint with the tiki torches around his pool. He is definitely coming to my future parties
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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