The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
