i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
My mom is currently out with her lesbian friends and I'm home alone drunk listening to the Les Miserables soundtrack. WHY DO I FEEL THE NEED TO COMPETE WITH HER?
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
He seemed genuinely disappointed when I told him I wasn't going to make out with him to Bring Me To Life by Evanescence so I feel like I've pinpointed the breaking point of this relationship
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
Randomize
