Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
we fucked to don't stop believing. most epic sex EVER.
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
Just found a partially digested mushroom under my bed. Thanks for that.
perfect irony that i'm celebrating international women's day with a yeast infection
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
