I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
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she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
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Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Look, all I can tell ya is I want to drink wine out of a bottle while you eat me. It would be the most fantastic end to finals week. Maybe ever.
Get my husband this drunk again I will rip off your balls off with my bare hands and then cut them up with a dirty axe like fish bits. Do you understand me? DO YOU UNDERSTAND ME?! See you at breakfast, FUCK FACE. I'll shove that bottle of Jamison so far up your ass you'll still be praying in 2020 you can take a shit! Seriously, you make it hard to be your best friend.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
I don't know if the puke on my pants is mine or not
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