i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
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i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
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I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
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