you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
You haven't lived until you've watched a retriever try to bring back the condom you just threw in its master's garbage
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
Randomize
