Don't you send me to vm
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Ok, so technically yes she wore a red tank top to the stoplight party. But under it was a yellow bra and green panties.
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Randomize
