I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
fter the third song from an iPod commercial played I realized how much that frat sucked.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
DO NOT SLAP ANYONE WITH ANY VEGAN MEAT PATTIES
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
He yanked my breathe right strip off in the middle of me riding him.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
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