Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I have 3 texts in my phone that say "Thanks King Tyler". I think I've successfully drank myself into a monarchy.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
It was hands down the most magical fuck I've ever had
It was the only fuck you've ever had..
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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