I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
At a straight bar and poker face just came on...must...resist....urge to gay it up
Why would that come on at a straight bar? I thought they just played Don't Stop Believin and Wonderwall on repeat
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Whatever. It was high school. Back then I'd blow anyone who had enough room between their chest and their steering wheel for my head to fit.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I have feelings that need drinking.
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize
