tonights recap: old cokehead freind proposed in the middle of a country bar to his trash girlfriend, saw ex-fuck who now has star shaved into his head and another with his gf, and ex-bfs best friends crackin jokes about who would fuck me first. NEVER COMING HOME AGAIN
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I need to start using my boobs for good instead of weed. Although really they're kind of the same thing
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
Randomize
