i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
Its really hard to get off when the googly eyes on your vibrator stare into your soul..
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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