Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Chinatown. Her fortune cookie said "accept the next proposition you receive." TELL ME NO NOW.
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
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