just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
Holy. Fuck. This mans mouth is magical. I love married men. I don't have to teach them.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Being severely attracted to someone you find is your cousin just made my list of top 10 worst feelings
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
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