it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
