Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Found my ex-boyfriend's money stash. Call the girls, we are getting fucked up tonight, my treat.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
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