Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
I still think he fell and scraped his elbow and lost his credit card buying 8 hot chocolates for hobos
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
His wife isn’t coming to the wedding! I’ve got 48 hours to home wreck him. Gotta go, I have to shave my vajayjay and buy some really slutty underwear. Love you!
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