Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
FYI, when you wake up, please note that I puked in your shoes because I sstubbed my tooee, not becus I was drunk.
Were you really trying to feed me potato chips while I was sitting on the toilet?
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Randomize
