I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A little, yeah. We were stealing firewood from the neighbors (drunk), and figured it would be 10 times harder to be angry with us if we got caught if we were naked, and 100% more hilarious.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
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