I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
we got 12 live crabs and then we got really stoned and know we're playing with the crabs. thats nom watermellon nom. now i'm plaing with a crap whos such a gentleman
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'm dressed in all sequins still at 9:30 in the morning and the worst part is that I actually still fit in in Vegas
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
Randomize
