if you like me you must not know who I am
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
