I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Excuse me hold on, hooking up with someone who is verified on twitter is like being important.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
I'm never drinking with you again. I woke up in Midtown with a 7' tall Norwegian rugby player named Lexie. Never. Again.
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
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