Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
I cam home to find him twitching on the floor, surrounded by unopened condoms and covered in cranberry sauce (yes I tasted it) while Thundercats was playing.
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