You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
That tampon felt like a stick in my vagina, I am never making a drunken tampon choice again. Friends don't let friends choose tampons drunk.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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