I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
He made a deal with his real estate agent called fucking in 50 properties for sale
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
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