Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Even my fuck buddy told me I needed a boyfriend. Fml.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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