Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yeah. I had to take off my shirt. It's soaked in weakness.
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
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