he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
Awkward, walking to my bootycall's hotel room and run into my dad leaving his. Just nodded to each other and went on our ways
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
