You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
And i have once again masturbated to an amazing soundtrack. what a time to be alive
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
