Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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