I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
It's 9:07 in the morning and I am so hungover right now I'm about to take the kids I'm babysitting to mf'ing Popeyes bc that's all I want in this world
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
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