I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I am praying to every god I can that he drank so much that he won't even remember me
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
