DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
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