i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
We lit firecrackers from NYE in the fireplace and he was so passed out that he slept through it.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
