I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
Is there a word in the English dictionary for impressed, yet disgusted?
I think the word you're looking for is flabbergasted.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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