Who wears a wallet chain?!
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
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I wish alcohol would automatically work as birth control if you have sex drunk.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
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We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.