I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
holy shit I was not prepared for her to whip out that dildo
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same