idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
dude facebook disabled my account because im registered under a false identity. now in order to get it back, i have to prove that it's really my name. i sent them an email and had to sign it "Cordially, Lloyd Pancakes"
He’s a liberal pot smoker and perfect for me. He invented a game where we have to smoke a joint every time you hear a Middle Eastern accent on NPR.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Put your dick on his face to wake him up, dont worry its fine.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
