to which he commented "you must really like me on top". I didn't have the heart to tell him that was the only way the room stopped spinning
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.