You just made me feel so damn special
Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
25 People Confess Their Terrifying Stalker Stories
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
27 Times The Kardashian-Jenner Clan Absolutely Slayed at NYFW
110% paid for our cab with a lap dance
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.