i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea