i already hear my dad disowning me
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
My lab manual has instructions for making home wine. Room project?
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
