im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
R.I.P my virginity. TOD 12:37pm
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
