kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
So I put a beer on your bed and jumped on th3 other side of the bed like in the commercials. You my good sir, owe me a budweiser that your bed drank.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
Lol woke up with mangoes in bed with me
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