I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
love makes seman taste better
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Banana suit guy has an entourage and they're all douchebags. There is no god.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just did the math technically I'll be drunk until 2:30-3:00pm
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
