If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
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