So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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