Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
you said grace in the diner. 5am, drunk, grace. you thanked the man w the mushroom cut for the wonderful supply of screwdrivers
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
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