Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
Randomize