She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Randomize
