I'm sorry my penis didn't work
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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