I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
Randomize
