i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
Antibacterial soap and prayers does not for spermicide make
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
...Just this whole adulting thing gets in the way of mermaid drag shows at lesbian bars.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
