They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
He also ordered me a vibrator last week, so the flowers kind of balance it out
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Randomize
