I'm laying in your front yard are you home
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
he was fingering me, then looked down and said "i like your socks"
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
She said she liked strap-ons.
SHE WAS TALKING ABOUT SHOES, YOU ASSHOLE! YOU'RE THE WORST WINGMAN EVER!
I just wanted to be the best at what I did even if that included sexing a whole fraternity or sorority ya know?
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
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