She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
