also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I think the cop who arrested me yesterday is at my gym rn should I say hi
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
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