wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Randomize
