i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
