so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Okay first of all fuck you and everything you stand for because Taco Bell is amazing.
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
