First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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