You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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