Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
getting up at 8am to start drinking seemed like a much better idea before I had to wake up at 8am
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
jump out the window naked night went bad
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
Randomize
