i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Lots of alcohol last night skiing this morning = me throwing up off chairlift
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
THAT IS NOT SOMETHING YOU TELL SOMEBODY THE FIRST TIME YOU MEET THEM IN THE DARK.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
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